I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
When are your genitals available?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
