Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
