writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
