the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
