You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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