on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
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