remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
