I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
