I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
