So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
