It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
