Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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