my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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