Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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