Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
