Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
