What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
