The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize