I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
