just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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