WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
