I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
