when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
