Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
