OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
