i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
zippers are such a cool invention
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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