This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
