i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
