I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
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My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
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Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
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