I got chris browned last night
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
