the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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