At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize