It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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