dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
