so explain again why im purple
no
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
