I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?