My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.