What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
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