Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
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I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I need to calm my uterus...
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE