we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
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I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
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Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
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