So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Everclear isn't food dammit