she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
