I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
