told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
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Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
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You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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