I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
He? As in you personified your dick?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
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