Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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