At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
