My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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