I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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