I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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