Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I wish there were birth control emojis
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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