I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!