can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
She even gives head with a lisp.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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