I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
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Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
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The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.