How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.