I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.