I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?