Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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