dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Did we literally take a cab across the street
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
