just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
