I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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