if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
