whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
