well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
17 year olds will be the death of me.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard