i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist