just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
