Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
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