I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
