unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Randomize
