Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
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did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
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While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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