Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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