No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
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i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
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I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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