i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
