I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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